


Lewis Isn't

by theianitor



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Conspiracy, Disassociation, Gen, Mental Instability, Mentions others, Or Is It?, Spooky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-04 03:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21190541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theianitor/pseuds/theianitor
Summary: Lewis lives a very fast-paced, hectic life. He can't be expected to remember everything. But he wishes he could figure out why everyone around him acts so weird.





	Lewis Isn't

**Author's Note:**

> This came about while bouncing ideas about spooky scenarios with a writing friend, and I'm glad they didn't jump at the idea since I realized I kinda liked it! XD I hope you guys do too, and I hope it's spooky enough! T'is the season...

Lewis looks in the mirror and blinks, touches his cheek with some trepidation. His beard is a little bit uneven. And he’s sure he shaved it neatly, since he had a press conference the day before. With a sigh, he finds his razor in the bag of toiletries and starts shaking the bottle of shaving cream. Seeing the video afterwards, his beard looked very neat, and Lewis can’t quite recall if he shaved before, or after. Or both.

When he actively thinks about it, tries to catch that fleeing thought that something is just a little bit out of place, Lewis gets the feeling that it’s always just kind of been like that. He has a high-paced, high-pressure life. It makes sense to not remember everything that happens at all times! He’s never quite understood how Sebastian does it, remembering stats and racing history, as well as apparently all the people in the paddock and even the names of some of his fans. Sure, Lewis has fans he remembers, and he’d never forget an invited guest, but most of the time it’s just about being polite. People understand. Yeah. He’s nice and polite, and beyond that people accept that he’s a very busy man.

Still, people have been getting stranger and stranger, and it’s weird. Jenson was fine at first, and then started getting standoffish as time went by. He doesn’t seem to be acting like that with anybody else. Then again, Jenson’s probably friends with Massa, and he and Lewis don’t get along, so that’s probably where that all started. Yeah.

Nico was fine at first too though. Of course he was. They’ve known each other for a long time, so when they were about to be teammates at Mercedes, Lewis was actually excited. That’s why it feels so strange when Jenson butts in, approaching him at the start of their second to last race as teammates.

“Come to say goodbye?” Lewis says, smiling and holding out his hand. Jenson doesn’t take it, but instead crosses his arms. He takes a deep breath and then finally meets Lewis’s eyes.

“Look, you never did like to share, but... maybe try a little bit harder with Nico, yeah? I know we didn’t get on but-”

“Didn’t get on?” Lewis says, surprised and a little hurt. They’ve had their differences, sure, but to say that they’re not _friends_... “I’ve never been anything but friendly to you!”

Jenson shakes his head and there’s a weird kind of smile on his face.

“Keep telling yourself that, if it helps you sleep at night.”

With that, he walks out of Lewis’s life. He remembers it well, and it still hurts, but he’s never really been sure of what to say to fix it, or to explain that he never felt like he treated Jenson badly.

With Nico, things start off just fine. While Fernando suddenly seems to loathe him and Jenson doesn’t even bother to talk to him at the last race, Nico’s perfectly friendly. A bit less so in the paddock, of course. Teammates are rivals first. Out of the paddock, Nico’s sometimes so friendly that Lewis starts to think there’s hope for their relationship going back to what it was in the past. Then sometimes he’ll just leave Lewis alone for days on end, and Lewis is left wondering why.

When Lewis says to the press that he doesn’t need to play mind games he means it, and his press-person nods encouragingly. But then it starts to get worse between him and Nico. And he’ll admit it, sometimes he apparently says things that set Nico off, but Nico does it too – they still do their best to work together, share information, make the team better. Team first, rivals second, friends third. Lewis can live with that. Yeah.

He can’t really remember making the tweet about Jenson being disrespectful to him. When he looks for it to find the exact words he used, he can’t find it, other than in the news reports that gleefully report on his mistake: he tried to call Jenson out publically, and Jenson quickly set him straight in an equally public manner. It wouldn’t be so bad if he could just remember doing it.

It reminds him that it’s happened before. He posted his data online. Or rather, he was told that he had, and had to go in and delete the post when the team asked him to. Of course he’s not the only one with access to his accounts, but none of his staff would do a thing like that. And he honestly doesn’t even remember taking the picture of the printout with his data on it. It must be a mistake from his social media-girl. Yeah.

The next time he saw Jenson after the incident, he was fully intent on apologizing, explaining that it must have been a post from someone else, but he’s barely started talking when Jenson interrupts him.

“Save it. You make a mistake, you take it all back, and that’s supposed to make everything alright? Once or twice maybe, but you do this over and over again, Lewis. I can’t keep up.”

Lewis is too stunned to say anything back. Later, he sees Jenson and Nico acting very friendly and feels a stab of something like jealousy. He didn’t even _make_ the mistake in the first place! He supposes there’s nothing he can do about it really, except be more conscious of being friendly with Nico. Yeah. Show him he intends to be friends and work together. Yeah.

It falls apart almost instantly, and Lewis feels like he’s been hit by a bus when Nico knocks on his door two, or maybe three races later, not for friendly conversation but clearly very upset.

“I can’t believe you said that!” he says, fists balled and stance very tense. “Why the _hell_ did you say that?”

“Say what?” Lewis asks, truly confused. They’d had lunch together the day before, but Nico had a sponsorship thing and Lewis was in press all afternoon. He tries to think back to the press event but it’s kind of hazy. The car, the track, how does he feel, the usual questions. Yeah.

“You said the team feel they have to be _careful_ around me, you said...” Nico bites his lip, like it hurts him to even think the words. “You said they have to act to keep me happy.” He pauses again and when he looks up, his eyes are almost begging, brimming with unshed tears.

“You said you wouldn’t do this anymore, Lewis. You said this would stop, after Monaco, you said...” When he closes his eyes, almost angrily, the tears spill out and roll down his cheeks. It pains Lewis to see it, but he also feels a little bit dizzy.

“Have they? Have they said that to you? Please, Lewis, be honest with me.”

“No, of course not!” Lewis’s voice feels too loud and he sees Nico flinch. “And I said no such thing!”

Nico’s face hardens, his teeth clenched and his jaw set.

“I saw the whole thing, Lewis. You don’t have to lie.”

He stalks off, slamming the door behind himself, and it’s Lewis’s turn to flinch at the sharp sound. Not quite knowing what to do with himself, he ends up pacing, torn between walking after Nico and... he’s not sure what the alternative is. Staying put, doing nothing.

Later that night he catches part of the interview on TV. He sees himself repeating what Nico had told him, almost word for word. He can’t really remember thinking this answer up though, and when there’s a follow-up question he refers to Toto instead. So that must be it. Toto must have said something. Yeah.

He knows some people, somewhat unkindly, call Nico _Princess_ and say he’s too sensitive. The only opinion Lewis has on the matter is that it’s a little annoying that Nico sometimes seemingly thinks he _deserves_ favor with the team, just because he’s been there longer. Then again, in his heart of heart and when things are good between them, he knows he’d feel the same. If Nico had joined him at McLaren instead, he’d have expected to take the lead. It hurt, as they fell apart again, but at least they were more or less equal in trading barbs again. Apparently. Yeah.

Lewis’s life keeps moving along but he keeps having the feeling that he’s sometimes missing things along the way. Sometimes he winds up looking at his bags, not entirely sure where he’s even going. He thinks about asking his doctor about it, but it’s probably just stress. Yeah. He re-watches all his press dealings and his own onboards after each race, and it feels like trying to catch up to his own life sometimes.

He blames stress and being distracted by more important things for the silly joke about Kimi in the press conference. And it only makes sense that Kimi would say something back. Only Lewis can’t quite dredge up the memory of making the comment in the first place.

His comments about Sebastian were just off-hand comments, too, nothing serious. He’d been running late to the presser and had been training all day; he’d almost forgotten to go to the presser altogether. He watches the video with a sense of dizzyness, not recalling anything he said. Everyone from the team says he did perfectly fine though.

He feels a bit out of it when he wakes up Sunday and starts his pre-race routine, making his way to the paddock and realizing he has no idea why he’s starting in third place. Not that quali is the main event, and in third he’s still in with a good chance. It’s just that he’s driven the track so many times that it’s all blurred together in his mind. Oh well. He’ll check the onboards later. Yeah.

One morning, Toto calls him very early to tell him quali has been cancelled. It was a late decision, the garbled voice says – he’s obviously tired too – but Lewis is free to do what he wants with the day.

He feels tired and groggy. It’s just as well to have some time off, and he hopes he’s not coming down with something. He looks at his bags, over by the door, not even unpacked yet, and finds he can’t quite remember where they are.

Or why.

He turns on the TV to keep himself occupied, waiting for someone to tell him what to do next, and there’s a race on. That’s always good.

Apparently he’s winning.

Yeah.

\- The End -

**Author's Note:**

> All in good fun, as per usual! :)  
Thanks for the read! <3


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